Still hasn't hit me yet that my Mum is gone

 My mother on her wedding day, May 19, 2007. Her ashes are internned in this lovely box.

This has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. I went from just having an ordinary Monday in Japan to being thrust into dealing with the loss of my mother in a car accident.

I stayed with my sister's family in Calgary, Alberta. I met many people, and many more the day of her funeral.

I have yet to have a full emotional outburst. I have also yet to have a full nights sleep. I'm only getting two hours.

I have a feeling of being constantly confused. I might have a few moments of tears, but it's like my brain had coldly accepted that my mother is no more.

I'll never see her again, yet I'm waiting for her to show up.

I miss my wife and children terribly. I feel like a lost little boy who needs someone to give me a hug and to tell me it will be ok.

Because right now, I just feel confused.